Dear Giuliana: 1 Month

Dear Giuliana,

Yesterday was your one month birthday. You spent it getting to meet your aunts and uncles on the Rodner side of your family at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Everyone loves you and thinks you're beautiful. (Naturally!)

This past month has gone by incredibly fast and it blows my mind to think that you're actually still supposed to be in my belly for 2 more days!

Your birth was really scary at first- dad and I weren't sure if you were going to have any health problems and how severe they might be. You still seem to choke a little sometimes while you're eating- and that makes me hold my breath- but you cough and sputter for a bit and then all you want is to continue eating. It scares me, but your doctor says he likes the fact that you can clear your own throat and he would be more worried if you never choked while eating. So here you are now, 4 weeks old, growing and strong, and our healthy baby girl!

Now that the worry is (mostly) over, I am truly enjoying the fact that you came so early. Don't get me wrong, you're a lot of work! Sometimes I feel like all I do is change diapers and wash dishes and do laundry... not my favorite tasks. And you'll kill me when you're a teenager for putting this out there, but you've already thrown up on me (4 or 5 times), pooped on dad (3 or 4 times!), and showered us both with pee... we're still learning this diaper changing thing. But it's all worth it.

Sometimes I just sit with you in my arms and I stare at you. Sometimes you're seeping, sometimes you're awake. But I can watch you for hours- hours that make time go by so fast. The hours have turned into days that have turned into weeks. While I hold you, I like to feel your lungs expand in your chest as I watch your little belly go up and down while you breathe. It amazes me that dad and I created you and sometimes I get so overwhelmed with emotion that I cry. I cry tears of joy because I feel so lucky to have you in my arms. You look like a perfect little doll with perfect, chubby, rosy cheeks that I can't help but constantly kiss. Then you'll smile or open your eyes or grunt, and each time, I think it's the most adorable thing I have ever seen.

 I have been filled with an unconditional love for you and I didn't think was possible to develop such a deep love so fast. I know most of it is still your reflexes, but when I hold you face to face, you wrap your little arms tightly to my shoulders with a little Giuliana hug. While I'm feeding you, you wrap your hand around my finger.

I love how small you are and I don't want to wish this time away, but I look forward to meeting the girl you will grow into. I love playing with your crazy spiky hair and think about what it will look like when you're bigger. Will it turn curly and light like mine or stay straight and dark like dad's? I love looking at your perfect face and I daydream about how beautiful you will continue to get. Your grandma is one of my best friends, and I look forward to the day that you and I can have the same relationship. I'm excited to teach you how to throw a ball, and go shopping with you, and talk about boys with you. I am so grateful to have such a perfect baby girl in my life.

I cherish this time I get to share with you. In the last month, you have shown me how strong you can be- this tiny, helpless premature infant that scared doctors before her arrival and then made them fall in love with her. An itty-bitty 5 pound creature that was hooked up to all kinds of wires and machines for her first five days of life. But now, just a few short weeks later, you've gained weight steadily (over 7 pounds now!), impressed everyone with your eating skills, and you've been lifting your head up- really, you're so strong! You were ready to be born- you were ready to show us what an incredible and resilient little person you are.

In this short time, you've also shown me how strong I can be. I have felt physical and emotional pain that I never could have imagined, but I have gotten through it. Because of you, I feel like a more powerful woman. I feel like I can get through any challenge that I come across. You have challenged me to be patient. You have challenged me to work harder with less sleep. And you have challenged me to learn (and practice) what it means to be selfless. Let's continue to challenge and teach each other.

G, you are an amazing baby girl and I am so happy that you are in our lives. I love you.

Love,
Mom

Week 23

This whole last week has been kind of lame. The weather's been kind of cold and crappy, work was dragging on all week, and Brian had to work a lot of overtime. Kind of the opposite of perfect. All of the down time led me to try something new- attempting to crossover to a self-hosted blog. Turns out it was a little bit more complicated than what I was expecting and my patience was just too short to try to deal with it. And for as much crap as people talk about Blogger, I've really liked it. That's kind of all that really matters. I'm sticking with this for now. Enough of that.

This is what I'm looking like now:

Pretty hefty, huh?

I think the camera may have added those 10 (or 20) pounds though. I mean, obviously I'm getting bigger, but I look like a cow in the 23 week picture. In my own defense I ate a pretty big burger for lunch and I had just downed a cup of almond milk.

Or maybe it was a bad angle.

Or maybe I'm just that effing big now. I don't know... more pictures to come soon though.

On a positive note, I managed to squeeze into my old jeans last night (which I hadn't tried in a couple of weeks, so that's a good thing, I guess).


On another positive note, the baby is definitely getting bigger and stronger. She's kicking a lot more, which is very reassuring. And now, not only can Brian feel her, but we can see her moving! It's nothing too crazy yet, but if I lay down, all of a sudden my stomach will twitch. Right now it just kind of looks like a muscle spasm, but it's neat. :)
Saturday
Brian had to work all day yesterday, so that kind of sucked, but I got to spend some time with my family, so it worked out. My mom and I went to our step class in the morning. I noticed that although my energy level is back up, my dexterity level is down. Like, if I make the wrong move in class (which happens more frequently than I'd like to admit), I can't adjust my body in time to catch up anymore, so I have to stop and figure out where the class is, and then join them again. It's kind of frustrating, but if I concentrate, I think I can manage. Or I could just look like an idiot. Either way.

After class, we went to Joann Fabric to get some quilting supplies so we can finally begin our project. While I was there, I got a canvas to I could make an art project...

A Kevin silhouette for the nursery! I'll post a tutorial tomorrow- it's super easy. And Kevin-approved!

That night after Brian got home, we went over to our friend Rachael's house for some corned beef and cabbage. It was St. Patrick's day, after all! It was nice to get to spend good quality time with our buddies.

Sunday
Today was a good day. We rounded up the moms and went to Buy Buy Baby to start our gift registry! Buy Buy Baby is affiliated with Bed Bath and Beyond and it's basically laid out the exact same way- a huge store filled with baby stuff. We've been in there 4 or 5 times now and each time, I get super overwhelmed. Like, I don't even know where to begin to shop for things.

Brian put up with me pretty well because I was kind of being a jerk. Not to him, but in general. The long week caught up with me, I was exhausted, and being in a huge store and not knowing what's what was making me feel like a pretty inadequate mom-to-be. But the moms were patient with me and Brian calmed me down. So between us, the moms, and a very helpful saleswoman, I think we made some pretty good decisions about what we want to get for the baby. Oh, and we bought a crib, so that was pretty exciting! Things are starting to come together and I'm feeling a lot better. And I got to spend more time with this guy today,

and what could be better than that? :)

Passing on my inner nerd...

I always enjoyed reading while I was growing up. My parents have a picture in of me that is still hanging in their hallway from when I was like a year old, fast asleep with a book opened up and resting on my chest. My mom used to continues to tell people that I brought a book to my first Dodger game. Before I got a TV in my room, I used to put myself to sleep with a book every night. I still have my huge collection of Baby Sitters Club books hidden away in a closet, and you know I've read each one at least twice.

Needless to say, I like getting lost in a good book and I believe all the reading I did as a child helped me immensely in school and broadened the range of my imagination. I want my daughter to enjoy reading as much as I do, so like I discussed in my last post, I want to create a reading area in her room from the get-go.

Over the weekend, my dad and I started working on a book case. My dad's pretty awesome- as soon as I told him what I wanted to do, he sprang into action by creating plans and drawing out dimensions of shelves. We went shopping for a bunch of lumber and started construction on Saturday morning.

A couple of hours in, Brian came over and jumped right in to help. Why wasn't he there from the beginning, you ask? It's because he's the best husband ever! He stayed home to vacuum and do dishes while I went to go play with power tools. He's awesome! ♥

But like I said, as soon as he got there, he jumped right in, so this piece of furniture is really going to be a collaboration of love for this little girl! We're still not done yet. We still have some trim to add and then some sanding and painting to do, but it's looking good!

One of the highlights of my week was coming home to one of my first purchases for the baby... books!!!

Sure, they're well beyond the reading comprehension level of a baby-toddler-young child, but they're classic stories (that I want to read/reread myself), so I'm going to start young! I felt kind of silly at first, but I'm looking forward to diving into some of these stories with her. Plus, Brian and I found a bunch of Golden Books (remember those?) and Disney books that we'll read to her too.

I'm so excited for it all! These books are really cool too- leather bound with shimmery pages and even some very pretty illustrations.

Purdy!

And for anyone keeping track, I've moved into my 22nd week, so here's last week's picture:

And compared to the previous weeks':

Starting to get bigger! The cool thing is, aside from the occasional heartburn (which is bad when it hits), I'm feeling pretty darn good. I'm staying awake later, I have more energy, and I'm starting to look pregnant in clothes and not just fat and frumpy. I've been feeling good at the gym each morning and the ladies there have been very sweet and complimentary, which has been making me feel good too. I'm also starting to feel her kick (Jab? Upper cut? Swing a bat? Not sure but she's getting stronger!) and that's been very reassuring. It's been a good week!

More to come soon!

Reading Nook

So, first things first- this last week placed me at 20 weeks pregnant. In fact, today is 20 weeks and 6 days, which means that I am officially over the halfway mark! I've been feeling pretty good this week. My energy level has been up and I actually feel smaller this week than I did last week. Less bloated, I guess.

The proof is in the pictures!

Right? Don't I look way bigger at 19 weeks?? And whiter! But that's just the camera playing tricks. I didn't go tanning, I swear!


But yeah, it's been a pretty good week, so other than a little headache today, I can't really complain!

We got our new bed over the weekend so we set that up and it's so comfy! Our old bed was my old double that my parents bought me when I was like, 12 or something, so we were due for a new one. We got a California King and it is huge! I keep teasing Brian that I can't find him in the middle of the night!

We found this quilt deeply discounted from Bed Bath and Beyond. It's really pretty- pink with some light greens and tans. I never usually go for those colors and I thought they would probably be too girly, but Brian said he really didn't care as long as I liked it. So I steered away from my typical turquoise and went with something new.

Brian genuinely doesn't mind. Neither does Kevin!

I love that face!

And moving on to the fun stuff... setting up the nursery! Here's a quick before tour of the room that we're working with...

 That's the doorway into the room on the right and a walk-in closet on the left. Our room is the door straight down the hall. Once that mess is gone, the plan is to put the changing table/dresser/hutch on that wall. Notice the cathedral ceilings... they're like, 14 ridiculous feet tall...

 When you walk through the door and turn to your right, this is the wall you face. (Kevin says hello!) We're planning on putting the crib either directly on that wall, or in the left corner at an angle... we'll have to see once we get all of the furniture in there...

If you turn to the left after walking in, you face this wall. (There's a full bath all the right side of the picture.) I want to replace that old rickety turquoise book shelf with a sturdier bookcase, kind of like this one:

Just a little bit wider. And made with love- my dad and I already have some plans in the works to build it ourselves! I'm pretty excited about that!
Side note- I love that my parents are so on board with all of my shenanigans. Like, obviously they're excited about a baby in general, but I ask my mom if we can make a quilt together and she wants to, I ask my dad about making a book case together and he wants to... it makes me so happy! I love them!

Anyway, I'm pretty sure this last wall will end up being my favorite...

It's the first wall you see when you walk in the door. It's also the shortest wall in the room, so I feel pretty confident that I can paint it or stencil it or wall paper it without too much risk of falling off a ladder. So not only will I think it's going to be a pretty wall, but I want to make it a reading nook! It has close proximity to the bookcase wall (see the turquoise?). Under the window I want to put this love seat/sleeper sofa from Ikea:

I like it for a couple of reasons... 1st, it would give us a place to sleep guests if anyone wants to come stay with us for a night or two (hint, hint, SIL Melissa!). Second, I've read more than one mom say that they love having a sleeper as opposed to a glider in the nursery for those times that they fall asleep during middle of the night feedings. Third, it will be a good space for me and Brian to sit and hang out with the baby at bed time or in the morning or whenever. I know Brian will want to spend just as much time in there as I do, so we should both be comfortable, right? And last, as the baby starts getting older (heck, probably even before), I want to start a tradition of reading with her, and I can picture the three of us (with Kevin at our feet) curled up under the quilt, grabbing a book of the bookcase, and reading out loud. I actually already ordered some pretty leather bound books that are going to be decorative and hopefully inspire her imagination.

Don't act like you weren't thinking it...
:)

Oh, And I also want to hang this chandelier in that area too:

Cute, right? In my head, this is going to be the sweetest little nursery ever, and right now, the reading nook is one of my favorite ideas. Updates to come soon!

Valentine's Day

So I was thinking about it today and I realized that I never actually wrote about how the rest of Valentine's Day went... and that wouldn't be right because it was the BEST Valentine's Day in the history of Valentine's Days!

So we found out that Buzz is a girl around 9:30 in the morning. Like, I said in my last post, Brian made that discovery by accident because the original plan was to have the ultrasound tech write the gender down, we were going to keep it folded up, and then open it with all of the parents at dinner. Brian felt horrible about accidentally noticing the gender on the screen, but I was thrilled. It would have been the longest day knowing that the answer is right there, but I couldn't check it for like, 9 hours! It was an extremely exciting morning to say the least!

But then I had to go back to work. Boo.

Actually, the work day wasn't that bad because I missed about half of it, and my students all knew what I was doing that morning, so they were all excited to find out. Of course, Kyle think I should name her Kylie, Jonathan came up with Jonathina... the kids are goofy, but they're full of questions and actually pretty helpful for 9th graders, so I told them I will accept any and all suggestions for names. I think they like being involved. :)

Brian didn't have to work, so he picked me up and brought me home to a nice, clean house that smelled fantastic. And wouldn't you know it, the smell was coming from a huge bouquet of flowers filled with roses and daisies in my favorite color!

They are so pretty and I love looking at them and smelling them! He also got me the sweetest card, some chocolate covered almonds, and an hour long pregnancy massage. It's like he knows me or something!

I made him a card...

On a funny side note- I obviously made the card before Valentine's Day, but the colors I used are exactly the colors I wanted to use for a nursery if we were having a girl. So I've already been in touch with my mom about helping me make a quilt that looks as similar to the card as I can get it... updates to follow!

I kind of splurged on Brian's gift this year. I got him a tool chest that's pretty much identical to this one:

Clearly, it cost more than a box of chocolates, but it's something we needed and Brian deserves the chance to make the garage more of a "dad" space now, right?

And the excitement of the day wasn't over yet. The parents came over around 5:30-6 for dinner. Brian and I made lasagna, salad, and garlic bread. My day was so hectic that I didn't get a chance to eat much throughout the day and I was so hungry. But I couldn't wait to share the news, so we spilled the beans before we even started eating.

I forgot to take pictures of it, but I put the print outs from the ultrasound that said "Hi!!! I'm a girl!!!" into an envelope for each of the parents so that they would have something to open.

Once they opened it and read it, they were all so thrilled! And then we ate some awesome Italian food, followed by some awesome red velvet cake and good conversation with the people we love most. Truly the best day we could ask for!

An Exciting Announcement...

We had our 18 week ultra sound yesterday morning! When I was offered the chance to schedule this appointment on Valentine's Day, I jumped at the opportunity because what could be more romantic than discovering the gender of your baby and sharing in that excitement together? (Well, besides making the baby itself... sorry, mom!)

Anyway, Brian and I made this grand plan that we would have the ultra sound done in the morning and then have a triple valentine's date with our parents where we would all find out the gender together. We told the ultra sound tech our plan- she loved it and was very careful about having us look away when she was in gender-specific areas. She even printed us out pictures with the gender written on it for us to open later.

The ultra sound went well- everything appears normal. The baby measured about 10 ounces. We got to see it suck it's thumb, yawn, do some back flips, and kick it's little legs- kind of amazing, considering I still can't really feel any of it!

Well at the end of the appointment, Brian accidentally looked at the screen and saw the gender result- unbeknownst to me. Once we left the room, he admitted that he saw it. He felt bad but I was excited because I wanted to know so badly, so I was like, "Tell me! It's a girl, right?"

And wouldn't you know it...

Needless to say, we were both pretty psyched about that! Now I can't stop thinking about names and nursery ideas and little baby dresses...

It's helped to take my mind of of my ever-growing stomach. Speaking of which, here is the latest photographic update of that disaster:

It's definitely not as bad as it could be. I've gained 8 pounds. I just don't feel like I look pregnant. I want to pop a little so I have a clearly defined pregnant belly. Right now I think I look like a more fluffier version of my regular self... like I drank too much beer on Super Bowl Sunday. That's kind of how I feel too- bloated and full and a little sluggish. I will say this though- my energy seems to be coming back a little bit. For example, it's almost 9:00 pm and I'm still awake. That hasn't happened in quite some time.

I'm still a little frustrated because like I said, I still don't really feel pregnant. I've been feeling like I'm just me, gaining weight and looking fatter than ever. I'm still going to the gym almost every morning, but let's face it, working out is getting more difficult- I can't lift my legs as high as I used to be able to in class, I'm practically kneeing myself in the stomach in spin class every time one of my legs comes up to pedal, and I'm very aware of my heart rate now, so I try to tone it down instead of pushing myself when I feel like it's getting too high. Weird because I ALWAYS push myself. My whole life has always revolved around sports and fitness (helll-lo, athlete, coach, PE teacher) and so this is a very odd transition for me.

And like I've said before, I'm not a skinny person by nature. Though I've never really gone on a strict diet, I've always had to work at maintaining weight and I gain weight very easily. So to be gaining weight and not being to do anything about it is kind of freaking me out. I know I'm supposed to be gaining weight and I am actually slightly below the recommended weight gain allowance for my size, but I'm not comfortable with it yet. Here's a side by side from when I starting taking pictures of my belly at week 7 back in November to this last weekend at Week 18:

See how it's just looking kind of like a chubby gut? And to think I didn't like how big I looked before! :)

Okay, I'm done ranting. For now, anyway! I apologize if I sound ungrateful, because I promise, I'm not at all. I have had a fairly easy pregnancy so far and I cannot stress how much I have appreciated that. I'm just still trying to wrap my head around this new figure and the extra weight around my middle! The important thing is, I'm healthy, my baby girl is healthy, and Brian loves both of us. He's the best- he tells me I'm beautiful every day, and that means the world to me.

Week 14 and New Ultra Sound!

First of all, I want to send a big CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! over to Tara and her fiance (!!!) Jonathan who just got engaged over Christmas! She's going to make a stunning bride and I can't wait to see all of the cute and crafty ideas she comes up with as she makes all of her plans. Have fun, pretty lady! :)

Aw, sometimes I miss wedding planning. It was stressful and fun all rolled into one. A similar kind of stress and fun I may be feeling again in the next 26 weeks. (Like how I segued right there?)

That's right, I'm now 14 weeks along which is good awesome because it means I'm officially in my second trimester, ie, the risk of miscarriage drops significantly and symptoms such as fatigue and morning sickness start to wane (though I've still been pretty lucky with the MS). And from what I hear, the second trimester is the best because you start to show, but you're still small enough to look cute-pregnant and not beached-whale-pregnant and you're the most comfortable- not sick/tired, not so big that you can't move, that sort of thing.

I'm on the left, Kevin is on the right ;-)

This is what I looked like last Saturday at about 13.5 weeks. I still don't think I look pregnant yet, but I definitely look (and feel) thicker than I did before. I'm still fitting into my clothes, though they are becoming increasingly uncomfortable. I'm pretty lucky- since I teach PE I mostly wear running shorts and sweats that all have elastic waistbands. The main problem is that they're starting to slip down underneath my belly (like a fat guy). And pretty soon, my shirts are going to be lifting up. I guess I'll tackle that problem as it gets closer...

I've always kind of struggled with my weight. It was only a couple of years ago when I finally felt very comfortable in my own skin, and since then, I've gained about 20 pounds. Needless to say, watching myself outgrow clothes without much to show for it (as in, lack of a baby bump) has been a little disheartening and I have to keep reminding myself that there is a baby inside of me. I've still only gained about a pound and a half at the most, and it still varies from day to day, so stepping on the scale has still been giving me a sick sense of satisfaction. I am looking forward to showing and looking and feeling pregnant instead of just looking and feeling like I packed on the pounds during the holidays.

Can you tell which pictures were taken with a cell phone and which were with our new camera??

I had a routine check up today with a midwife. The hospital we're going to uses midwives and nurse practitioners to assist the doctors- we're not doing an at home birth or anything like that! It was the first time we met her and she was really friendly and helpful, so I'm pretty happy about that. We also got to listen to the baby's heartbeat which was AWESOME! It was super fast- 150 bpm (as compared to mine which was 73bpm). According to pregnancyinfo.net, the heart rate can be anywhere from 120-180 bpm. There is an old wives tale that says anything faster than 140 is a girl, slower is a boy, but that's pretty much been debunked... and so we wait.

Last week, we another, possibly even more exciting glimpse into the womb... as part of a routine screening, I got to have an ultrasound on January 5th and check out the picture the technician was able to get for us...

So serious!

You can actually see a pretty detailed profile of his her Buzz's face! Isn't that amazing?? I was shocked but thrilled when she showed it to me. From what I can tell, I would say the baby definitely has more of Brian's features than mine, but that's okay because I love Brian's face so much! :)

It's fun to watch- from 8 weeks and 2 days to 12 weeks and 6 days, this is how much development has gone on:

I know I'm totally biased, but that's cool, right?

So I have some announcements to have at work tomorrow and I'm planning on telling my students on Friday... I'll be back to share how that goes! Should be fun!

Announcing... Buzz!!!

There is something that has been on my mind lately. In fact, despite holidays and thesis writing, it's been the biggest thing on my mind. I have been hesitant to discuss it for reasons that will seem obvious in a minute, but I am feeling more comfortable now, and I'm (literally) bursting at the seems to share!

That little white ball of joy is the first picture of future baby Collins, whom we affectionately refer to as Buzz! (More on that later!) That ultrasound was on December 2, 2011and Buzz was 8 weeks and 2 days along. At that point, Buzz was still considered an embryo the size of a kidney bean, with webbed fingers and toes.

The coolest thing about the ultrasound was that we got to see the heart beat! It was this tiny little flutter on the screen and it was one of the most reassuring things I have ever seen in my life. See, something scary that most people don't realize is that miscarriages are pretty common. Frighteningly common, actually. According to What to Expect When You're Expecting, an estimated 40% of conceptions end in miscarriage, but a lot of them go undocumented because they happen early on, so the woman just assumes it was a late period. Miscarriages seem more prevalent now though, because at-home pregnancy tests can be used as early as a couple of days before your missed period, so women know they are pregnant sooner than ever before.

Finding out...
We found out super early as well- we decided to start trying in September, but October came and went and so did my period. I was a bit worried because it took my parents quite a while- years, actually- to get pregnant with me. We decided to give it another go, but not to try "too hard"... like, no counting days until ovulation or taking my temperature on a daily basis (turns out your basal body temperature is at it's lowest during ovulation and then it spikes after ovulation, so if you track this by taking your temperature first thing in the morning everyday, you should start to notice a pattern). Well, wouldn't you know it, November rolled around and my period was two days late. My period is NEVER late.

I decided to pick up a pregnancy test on my way home from work on November 3rd. I had never bought one before and had no idea what to look for, so I just picked one that didn't look too cheap, but didn't cost an arm and a leg either. I wouldn't say that I was in denial, but I would definitely say that I wasn't holding my breath at this point.

I got home, opened the package, read the directions, and peed on that baby. Then I had to wait 3 minutes. People always say those 3 minutes are the longest of your life. Not so much for me. I was trying not to get my hopes up. I went upstairs and changed my clothes. Played with Kevin for a minute. And then time was up.

When I looked at the stick, this is what I saw:

2 lines = preggo, 1 line = not

WTF does that mean?? Can you even see that second line?? It was so freaking faint, and I had no idea what it meant. Pregnant or not? Were our lives about to change forever, or remain the same for at least another month?

So the next 3 minutes, while I scrambled around on the internet, were the longest 3 minutes of my life! After reading about other women's similar stories and learning all about evaporation lines, it became clear that if the test is read within a timely manner- not hours later, any second line "counts." It doesn't matter how faint, if there is a second line in that stick, the pregnancy hormone is in your body and you have a bun in the oven.


Telling Brian...

Brian was still at work, so after I had done my research Google search, I did a little dance with Kevin. We think he knew before we did. The weekend before was Halloween, and that whole weekend we noticed he was really clingy with me. Like, we had friends over that Saturday night to watch scary movies and while he's usually a social butterfly, that night he cuddled up next to me and slept with his head on my belly the whole time. He's been doing the same thing ever since. We're pretty certain he is going to be a great big brother.

Since I was at home with the dog for about an hour before Brian was due home that night, I was trying to think of a creative way to announce the news. One of his favorite shows is The Office, so back when we first started talking about getting pregnant, I wanted to get him a mug like Michael Scott's but have it say World's Best Dad.

Well, I hadn't planned that out far enough in advance, and I couldn't wait to tell him, so that wasn't happening. Instead, I found an old white shirt, grabbed some sharpies, wrote Big Brother on the back, and tossed it on the dog:

He kind of reminds me of a race horse. :)

Anyway, when Brian walked in the door, Kevin greeted him. It took Brian a minute to read the shirt, and then register what it said, but once it clicked, I was able to capture his reaction with my iphone:

Happy Dad-to-be!

More celebrating ensued!

But as you probably noticed, 2 days after a missed period is extremely early to be finding out... and I was nervous. So many things could go wrong and I was very paranoid. I called the next morning to make a doctors appointment. They had me come in the next Monday where I took another positive test, filled out some paperwork, and we were on our way!

Telling Everyone Else...
Telling other people has been tricky. I told my mom right away because we go to the gym every morning, and I wanted her to be aware in case something went wrong or she had any motherly advice. She was glad I told her, but also nervous about how early it was in the pregnancy. Brian told his mom and sister within that first week. Then we had to tell my friend Alexis because we were going on a cruise for her birthday. On the cruise, we had to tell our other friends Erin and Jordan, because it's kind of suspicious when you're on a cruise, but you won't drink, you won't go into the jacuzzi, and you're not able to eat much of the all-you-can-eat food that's being offered.

We decided to tell the dads once we got back from the trip. Brian got his dad an "I love my grandpa" bib and I got my dad a Dodgers bib (as an inside joke- I hate the Dodgers but he loves them and has always said that when he babysits for me, my kids will be dressed in Dodger gear when I come to pick them up). We gave them these gifts under the pretense that they were souvenirs from the cruise. They were a little confused at first, but then my dad looks up at me and says, "Really??" It was cute and all of the grandparents are officially excited. Slowly, word is getting out. Soon, we told my brother and his girlfriend. We had to tell our friend Mike because I would no longer be playing football. We told some family members at Thanksgiving. Then we told Kevin and Rachael. Then I had to tell the ladies in my office because there was some bug spraying and bleaching going on that I just didn't want to be around. Oh and most recently, I told some of my softball girls so they could help me out a little more in class with the physical stuff.
Telling Work...
We have yet to make an official announcement. Like, nothing on Facebook. I haven't told work yet. As of today, It's only been 10 weeks and 4 days, so it's still relatively early on. I'm planning on telling work when I get back from winter break, just to keep it simple. Plus by then, I'll officially be going into my 2nd trimester, where the risks of miscarriage drop significantly (yes, I'm still very nervous/paranoid about it). And I'll put it out there on Facebook after work knows. Because, ya know, nothing is actually official until it's on Facebook. With that being said, if you're one of my Facebook friends and you're reading this, I'm thrilled that you're here, but please, please don't say anything on there just yet. ThankyouIloveyou!

How I'm feeling...
So far, I feel like I'm pretty lucky, because compared to some of the horror stories I've read, this pregnancy has seemed relatively easy. I have felt a little nauseous from time to time, but I haven't actually thrown up. I can't eat as much as usual and I've only gained like 0-1.5 pounds, but that varies depending on the day. What's funny about that though, is that I feel extremely bloated and it is really uncomfortable to wear my jeans. I've been living in sweats, jeggings, and dresses. I'm t-i-r-e-d and I keep falling asleep on the couch before 7:30. And I'm occasionally crabby- Brian gets the brunt of that, but he's taking it like a champ. I love him so much.

I get a little bit bummed sometimes because I can't do much of what I did before- namely playing football and softball. Those are actually the 2 contact sports that I found listed in the "activites you should not participate in" list. I would love to be able to go sit in the jacuzzi for a little bit, but that's a no-no. I also have been staying away from deli meat, sushi, coffee and (mostly) diet coke. Definitely staying away from alcohol, but that's never been an issue for me.

It's not all woe-is-me though. I've still been having a lot of fun:

We went on a cruise for Alexis' b-day

Vegas for Brian's b-day

Disneyland- just for fun!

Each experience was different than it would have been had I not been pregnant, but each was still fun and I am THRILLED, so the happiness we're feeling far outweighs missing out on Space Mountain or Margaritaville.
We've been taking weekly pictures. Here they are so far:

I'm maybe a little bit bigger, but I've always had a little tummy pooch, so nothing too exciting there yet. Buzz is growing though- this week, he is the size of a kumquat.

Brian thinks that's still pretty small, but seeing as it's growing inside of me I happen to think it's pretty big. This week, Buzz graduated from an embryo to a fetus, no more webbing in the phalanges, teeth are forming, arms are moving (but I won't be able to feel it til month four or five), and the features are started to look more human and less alien! Oh and my uterus began as the size of a small pear and is now the size of a grapefruit. No wonder the jeans are feeling tight.

Why Buzz?...
So if you've read this far and haven't yet thought to yourself, 'WTF are they calling this poor fetus Buzz?' then I am impressed, and you should reward yourself. Because it does seem pretty silly. Well, here's the story behind the name...

A while ago- it might have even been before the wedding- we were on a long drive and just happened to start talking about baby names and how silly some most of them are now. I joked that dogs have more normal human names (hel-lo, Kevin!) and that babies have silly dog names. I told Brian we need to come up with some goofy names when we have kids. Light bulb moment!!!- I announced we should name our kids after Disney characters and I asked Brian who his favorite character is. He answered Buzz Lightyear. I screamed out in joy, "Buzz Collins!!! That is the best name ever!!!" Brian strongly disagreed, claiming it sounded like a white trash name. Ever since, it has been a long running joke that we are going to name our baby Buzz. Well, I joke. Brian does not think it's funny at all. Once we found out we were pregnant, I started calling this baby Buzz whenever I would refer to it to Brian. In all honesty, I would never actually name my child Buzz, but in this case, until we know the sex and can actually pick a name, Buzz works. Brian has even warmed up to the nickname, so for now, Buzz it is! Many, many updates to follow!